Monday, December 29, 2008

Why I'm Proud of My Baby Sister.

Okay so she's not a baby anymore, she's 14. But sorry to say it lil sis you'll be the baby of the family forever. But kudos to you and your actions of recent.. read more and I'll explain.

Kimmy is 14 (soon to be 15). She's always been the tomboy. The rough and tumble girl, she had to be, she has 3 older brothers and an older sister. She's younger than the rest by about 6 years, younger than me by 12 1/2.

And over the holidays I've never felt so proud of what she's done. See like all teenage troubles hers starts with a boy. A while back (I'm not really sure when) she started "going with", "going out with", "seeing" .. whats the popular teenage term these days? A boy by the name of Igor. I know .. seriously Igor? No but really thats kind of a kick-ass name, I mean. No one else is named Igor that I know of. Anyway, back from the segway, the trouble stems from the fact that her best friend Sara (Sarah?) .. Also liked Igor. From the way I heard it, perhaps biased to one side or another, but the boils down to after they started dating, Sara called Kimmy a whore. I'm not sure the details to the story precisely so before I get all upset about Sara's misguided (at best) nomecleture for my sister, I let Kimmy tell her story.

It seems that after this episode that her and Sara, didn't quite get along. I can't blame her, I'm not fond of being called a whore either. Recent Kimmy was invited to a small christmas party, and discovered that Sara would be there. Kimmy wanted to get her a Christmas present, but our mother told her that she shouldn't. She went against that and got her a present anyway. At the party she gave the present to Sara. It was likely a good present from a good friend, and even though the thought was unrequited. It was extremely thoughtful and kind.

Now if that was the end of the story I'd be satisfied. If they were never friends again, I'd be okay with that because, at worst if Kimmy was cruel and mean or harsh in her argument with Sara, she apologized, and at best she forgave. Those are both the best qualities a person can ever have. I've long said that friends are just people who've learned to put up with your shit, and give you the chances you deserve, and the ones you just need. The true measure of a friend is, when you screw up, if they give you the chance to fix it.

But it gets better. A day or so later, Sara showed up at the house, put a present on the doorstep and rang the doorbell and ran off. That's awesome.
It was also one of those personal only-a-best-friend-would-get-it kind of presents. Sara showed that she still cared, that she still wanted to be a friend, even though she's probably a bit embarrassed by her actions. She might not want to confront what has happened. I know my sister she'll give her time and space she needs. I'm certain that by way of her actions, my sister preserved her friendship at the cost of some humility. For that I am so proud of her. It's beyond words really. It might seem silly to all of you, but that's because the 5 people that read this are all grown ups. All of you are adults. You are all embittered by the cruelties put upon you by shitty people. Don't believe me? My mother, the sage of wisdom she is, told Kimmy not to get Sara a present, or that she shouldn't. To what end? What would be gained by giving nothing. What would be lost by giving something?

One last note, a word of warning. In the discussion I had with Kimmy, I could sense a little vindictivness this sort of "I won against you" kind of attitude towards Sara. I have to mention it myself for completness. I've always found the way you feel about something after you do it can be a multitude of emotions. But superiority over a person is never appropriate. In this situation the moral isn't "Give your crappy friend a present and watch her grovel", its "Give your friend a gift in the hope that she remains a friend". Sure both could be valid lessons, but in the end which one makes you a better person in the heart? Okay maybe I'm a little thick, maybe people don't act that way, well then F-U, I do and In the game of life you are not winning against people. You're winning for someone, yourself.
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